“I … hope that there is meaning in mess and pain, that more will be revealed, and that truth and beauty will somehow win out in the end.” — Anne Lamott Life is messy, sometimes unbelievably messy. What enables us to survive, more or less intact? …

In her book of essays, poet Mary Oliver wrote, “…you must not, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life.” It’s a lesson I learned the hard way, after breaking free of a very long, unhappy marriage. I learned it once more, as if to make sure I understood…

Are all of these delightful moments too much to ask of life? — I don’t know why finding what we need in life and then being happy with it is so hard. I think most of us want the same things: connection, acceptance, affection, and respect. Love. Like most of the single, straight women I know, I’m still waiting — but I’m no…

He wants to stay for a month, but a month is a long time to spend with a complete stranger, and my recent experience with a BnB guest who had to be forcefully evicted by my beefy next-door neighbor hasn’t left me in a trusting state of mind. “OK…but we’ll…

Last night I kept the door firmly closed, with my two dogs safely contained with me, in my friend’s house full of ginger cats, and one coal-black part Siamese. In the darkest part of the night, I really needed to find the bathroom. As I squeezed through the narrow gap, my chow-pit-lab Lola bulldozed past my ankles, followed…

A Movie and a TV Series: Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris, and Madam Blanc Mysteries — On the surface, these two works may not appear to have much in common, but they’re both centered around strong and humble female characters who sprinkle their love everywhere they go. Like Mary Poppins, their mere presence leaves everyone around them forever changed in the all the best ways. Mrs…

1. You mean nothing to me. 2. You are invisible unless I require my needs to be satisfied. Your needs are irrelevant. 3. You mean nothing to anyone. “Lesson number three” really drives home just how cruel a narcissist can be. Intentionally cruel. But something doesn’t ring true. You don’t…

After thirty-four years, I’m still wondering if I could have done anything to change the outcome — Here’s the case study: A happily married couple who has dated for four years, have a lovely non-shotgun wedding, followed by a baby a year later. Both parents are near thirty, not scared teenagers. The pregnancy was uncomplicated and almost delightful, if one can use that word to describe nine…

Happy is the man who finds a true friend — and far happier is that man who finds a true friend in his wife — Franz Schubert — Nine years after our split, seven years after our divorce, I’m struck by how much my former spouse and I have in common, then, and now. We were together for thirty years before our marriage fell apart. Which is why nearly everyone says, incorrectly, “people grow apart, they have separate…