Member-only story
Personal Essay
“Alone” Isn’t What I Was Built For
Everyone deserves a chance at love
On Facebook, I follow a woman near my age who solo backpacks into remote mountain wilderness areas, hot springs, and rugged red rock canyons. She makes numerous river crossings, sets up her lonely one-person camps, and then…takes dozens of photos of herself communing with nature. In comments, people write words of affirmation like “you’re amazing,” “you’re so brave,” “go, you!” and even, “you’re an inspiration.” But I always think she looks sad in these photos — and I’ve noticed that among the thirty-seven comments below her post, not one says, “I’d love to go with you sometime, if you’re looking for company.”
This woman of a certain age often concludes her posts with, “it was a beautiful experience.” But I wonder: unless you’re intent on going on a vision quest, wouldn’t it be an equally beautiful experience, or an even more beautiful experience, if she had someone to share it with?”
The thing is: I don’t want this to be me. I’ve solo hiked, snowshoed, and overnight camped dozens of times, by necessity, often on the long road trip from my former home in Montana to my current home in New Mexico. But I don’t love it. And since my heart dog/soulmate died last year, being in the wilderness alone feels…lonely.
