Member-only story
Couples Don’t Stay Together Because They Don’t Disagree
They stay together because they know how to work through the issues that come up in any marriage
I love a good argument
I mean an argument in which 1) both parties have an equal opportunity to have their say, 2) both parties are heard, and 3) when an apology is warranted, it’s given.
Well, of course. Why doesn’t every argument go like this? Because it’s not as easy as it looks. Humans are often ego-driven and stubborn. They sometimes lack the tools to keep discussions moving toward a productive end, without getting hot under the collar.
Here’s another thing: an argument requires two parties who want to resolve it; hopefully, because they have a vested interest in solving it. This should be the case in any committed relationship. And, given that marriage is, by definition, a committed relationship, it’s astounding to me that so many couples don’t know how to work through a contentious issue, even if that means getting into a productive argument.
I grew up in a family with very little parental contact or oversight. My parents separated when I was only eight months old, and I didn’t even meet my father until I was seventeen. My mother had the tremendous responsibility of…
