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Empathy Failure Can Come from a Lack of Awareness
Too often, we can listen without really hearing
While still in college I attended a science conference in Berkeley, California. It was an exciting topic that gripped me in the way that new ideas tend to do when you’re in your early twenties. I was rooted to my seat, eyes glued to the stage, riveted to the story by a dynamic speaker. Then, suddenly, I was distracted by a subtle noise coming from my right. A young man was grunting periodically, which I thought odd, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see him jerking his head. I gave him an annoyed look, which I later regretted, but eventually a series of clicks, and more grunting, and head twitching so annoyed me that I got up out of my seat and moved as far from him as I could.
After the lecture, another friend, who’d been sitting nearby, caught up to me. Still irked, I complained about how much that young man’s noises and movements had made it impossible for me to enjoy the lecture. My friend paused, and then said, “Well, you know, he probably had Tourette’s syndrome. I think he probably couldn’t help it.” It was one of the first moments when I remember being forced me to look at my own behavior with embarrassment and regret. Because, I immediately realized how badly that young man must have felt when I glared, first, then got up and left. He had a…
