I’m Six Decades Old and I Don’t Know How Life Works

Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash

Life is a complete mystery to me, and if I were to write my memoir today, the title might be I Don’t Know Anything — But Nothing Would Surprise Me. I thought by now I’d have it all figured out, and that is so far from the truth. I’m college and grad-school educated, heavy on the sciences, but I don’t know if horoscopes hold any weight or if Mercury Retrograde is a real thing. Because sometimes life gets unbelievably weird for no reason, and after a period of time, through no effort of my own, life smooths out, and it would be great to be able to blame a small planet.

I’m a firm believer in working hard for what I want, and if I put in enough effort over time, logic says I’ll succeed. “Find your passion and it will never feel like work” is an appealing idea, too, but in my personal life, making money from my passion has proven elusive. In contrast, I tend not to embrace “manifesting your dreams through the power of attraction,” and I find it very annoying that I’ve sometimes seen it work in the lives of others.

I fell in love with a man who I thought was a wonderful match for me, and I thought we’d work together to create the family and the future we both dreamed of. I thought if we loved each other enough, we could weather anything. Then, when it all came crashing down, I felt the acid burn of finding out that love can lie. In…