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RELATIONSHIPS
Maybe Not Finding a Decent Man Is For My Own Good
First, let me say that I’m aware that this conclusion comes at a cost — I’m regularly accused of negativity, self-sabotage, or worse. But let me say, with nearly 100% historical accuracy, I’ve always been treated badly in my close relationships with men, and I’m sixty-two. So, when do I stop?
Well, the Covid pandemic (yes, it’s still with us) has become a natural turning point — away from searching for the holy grail of a “relationship,” and toward maintaining my strong friendships, for companionship. By staying within my safe little bubble, I’ve grown much more productive in other areas of my life.
But if you want the history, here it is. My past relationships are like the seven dwarves of bad behavior — only some of these dwarves wear more than one hat. In order, they are: the cheater/liar, the closeted gay man, the textbook narcissist, the rebound narcissist (because it felt familiar), The Great Pretender, another closeted gay man, and the scariest of all, the man with Borderline Personality. These “Dwarves of Bad Behavior” are the men I had relationships with — but this list doesn’t count the innumerable bad first dates, the man who thought he could buy me with a fish dinner, or the ones who stood me up. And I can’t even count the ones who ghosted me.
