While I agree with many things you say, some painful to think about, my sons, now adults, wish that I'd divorced his father sooner. Although he was a good father, neither of them liked the way that he treated me, and at a young age, they could see that his behavior was "different" from their friend's fathers toward their own wives. I stayed in the marriage for the children, because I didn't have a father growing up. But it left me to divorce in late fifties, which isn't ideal for many reasons, including financial. I don't think there is one right answer for everyone. I wish you well moving forward.