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Women Initiate Most Divorces — So Why Do We Assume Men are the Ones Who Leave

Why Does This Odd Misconception Persist? Sexism and Ageism likely have something to do with it

Wendy Cohan
10 min readDec 16, 2022
Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

Note: this piece is written from a cis-hetero perspective because that is my personal perspective. But I fully support the Respect for Marriage Act and believe that anyone deserves to partner with, marry, and/or have children with anyone they desire.

When my marriage ended, every stranger I met, even women, assumed my husband was the one to ask for the divorce. They would state this with one-hundred percent certainty — but my closest friends knew the truth.

I had been wanting things to get better, to be more equal, for years; and by the time we hit the twenty year mark, I knew that possibility was highly unlikely. But I had to wait out the financial crisis of 2008 and the long slow recovery, after, before even considering leaving.

During those years in between, I put more than my fair share into the marriage, even during its death knell. But I knew, deep down, that things would never change — and that life is short. I don’t consider myself a pessimist, but my mother died suddenly, in her sleep, at age 70; and my father passed suddenly while at the grocery store, at age 74. I wanted…

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Wendy Cohan
Wendy Cohan

Written by Wendy Cohan

Author of character-driven women's fiction, short stories, and essays. Her contemporary romance, The Renaissance Sisters, debuted May 23, 2023.

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